I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
