Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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