Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
