I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
