It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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