she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
