Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
