I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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