no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
