I just pynch a tree in the face
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
