dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
