I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I supernannyed him into submission
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