so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
