Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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