Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
