remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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