im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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