I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dear god my vagina.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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