i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
