somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
