i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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