i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
