just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
