I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You ruined the universe
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
