I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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