So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
