My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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