I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
did you just send me my own nude
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
