I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
