Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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