Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
