im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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