is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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