she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
