why do cheetos always look like penises
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
