Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
