i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
