Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
