Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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