Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
