Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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