Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
