i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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