Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
