And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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