i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
