Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
