first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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