Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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