So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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