with your own penis?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
