wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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