i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
