i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
