Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
