I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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